“Death is the destination we all share; no one has ever escaped it. Death is very likely the single best invention of life. It is life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.” – Steve Jobs
‘Death’ and ‘dying’ are not topics we are particularly good at discussing. For some reason, despite none of us escaping it (as Steve Jobs rightly said), we avoid talking about death at all costs.
Perhaps death is such a taboo subject nowadays because we are living longer? People now live far longer thanks to advances in medicine. In the UK, men aged 65 can expect to live to 84 and women to 86. We say ‘nowadays’ because if you consider Victorian times, for example, death was much more a part of everyday life. People were living shorter lives, with a lifespan roughly half what it is now. These times also saw real interest in funerals, the rise of cemeteries and even the ‘mourning dress’.
Getting back to the subject in hand…we understand and appreciate the emotions around death and a potential ‘awkwardness’ of starting a conversation. It can be tough. But it doesn’t have to be.
It seems that reflection on life comes about when death is near or imminent. But what if we flip it? What if we discuss our deaths, ensuring we end our lives as well as we want to live them; then we can live better?
Let’s talk…
What if we remove the stress and unease that families and loved ones can experience because we don’t talk about death? We don’t know what people may want in the event of their death if they don’t say. When someone passes away, without having discussed death or recording any wishes, assumptions creep in and it can result in family conflict; as we discussed in another blog.
A recent survey found that only around one in three people had discussed with their partner making a will, or their wishes concerning their funeral.
The premise of confronting our (future) death is a powerful reflection on how we are actually living!
When it comes to life, we plan for it. If families are expecting a child, they plan. People plan ahead about names, nursery, schools, clothing…it becomes a natural part of life and family discussion.
As hard as a discussion about death with a loved one or family member may be, it can also be liberating and bring you closer. You may even feel (as a result of talking) you have been taking life for granted and be clearer on what you want to do or achieve going forward.
Death is natural process of life, so let’s plan for it and have a ‘good death’.
“Analysis of death is not for the sake of becoming fearful but to appreciate this precious lifetime.” – Dalai Lama